DAY FOUR - Healing

What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2012?

My newfound faith I suppose. 

It’s just when things take a turn off of the path, you have to believe that something will correct it. That there is balance to life.

There are days when that’s all that gets me through, the belief that there has to be some good coming of the bad. That there is some plan to this world. Otherwise, I don’t think I could actually face the world.

So, my decision to embrace my beliefs and to allow those beliefs to carry me through. That is definitely something that has healed me this year.

For 2012, I’ll admit that I’d like to continue to be healed in this way, it’s really helped me to be a stronger, more resilient person. That’s not to say I’m completely protected, I still get hurt, but it’s easy to recover from those hurts.

DAY THREE - Ambitions

What are your ambitions? What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to/detracts from your ambitions? Can you eliminate it?

I’ll be the first to admit I’ve struggled to define who I am, and what I want to do in life. And lately I’ve been thinking about doing a Ph.D program and continuing my studies. But I still haven’t dealt with my desire to experience life outside of home, outside of the Southwest, outside of the United States. I think that holds me back from feeling any sort of accomplishment.

So I’m going to feed that particular ambition. I’m going to plan to see at least two other countries next year. Hopefully after I see a few of these places I can focus on the big one of living on the Navajo Nation. Because that’s what I want out of life. A home with cats, dogs, and a horse. Somewhere where there’s an unobscured view of the stars and wide open land without too many fences and roads.

That’s my life’s ambition, and I think about that everyday.

But I also think to be totally content with that, I have to see the world and know that the place I settle is the place I love best in the world. I actually have no doubt that it will be in the Southwest, but I still want to see the rest. I’m a tactile person, I like to touch and see and feel things first hand.

What detracts me is lack of belief in myself a lot of times. Before I came to Tempe I didn’t think I could deal with moving to a new place, to deal with making new friends. I didn’t think that I could go out and do a lot of the thing I’ve done. And it’s been enlightening and empowering. I feel ready to go out and experience other places. I know that I am who I am and I am grounded here, but I’m also free to go out and experience whatever I want. It’s a wonderful feeling to have.

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If only

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